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Writer's pictureCourtney Hennigan

Breaking Down the Father Wound to Come Into Union

Tarot Decks Used: The Rider Waite Tarot Deck, The Soul Cats Companion Tarot Deck

Oracle Deck Used: Through the Eyes of the Soul Oracle


23. Regeneration. Death and Rebirth

“One life cycle ends and another begins. Flow with the cosmic rhythms to become master of your fate.”


Throat Chakra. Blue Butterflies. Yellow Butterflies. 222.


*The words masculine and feminine are used often in this reading. We ALL have masculine and feminine aspects to us. These terms are not in place to identify gender, but rather the internal energy within a person.


Only take what resonates. This is simply my channeled train of thought as I transcribe this reading.





In this reading the masculine is represented by the King of Wands. I always see the King of Wands as the king who has earned his crown after a hard fought battle. I see this king as a symbol of strength, status, protection and an overall energy of “warrior.” I also see the King of Wands as the father. This energy is great until it goes too far, which is what I want to break down in this channeled message. I want to talk about masculinity and its relation to status and power. We see this in small environments such as the head of household figure in family dynamics, and we also see it in the outside world through government and politics. World leaders are most often men or masculine energies, and in this meditation I saw a lot of masculine energy coming through in the form of the military, as well as going back centuries to hunting and gathering. Our society is built on patriarchy, and it heavily lacks feminine energy. This reading addresses this imbalance.


Materialism and stability come through in this spread as byproducts of masculinity. In households, I think of the classic nuclear family where the feminine (usually the mother) is at home cooking, cleaning, parenting. In many nuclear households we see the masculine figure (usually the father) as the one out in the world working to earn for the family. This is shifting in today’s day and age, but this dynamic has gone on for years and years and for much of that time it was seen as the ideal household. The aspect that is missing from this dynamic is the emotional availability of the masculine. In this collective message we are dealing with the masculine who lacks feminine energy within himself. We are dealing with the masculines that over-identify with the masculine-dominated world where work is valued over pleasure. Value of the self is determined by how much success one attains, how productive one is, and how much a person has. This energy has been in control for so long and as feminine energy starts to be recognized in society, we are starting to feel tensions rise. On a small scale, relationships with imbalanced masculines and awakened feminines are breaking down, and on a major scale, global tensions are at an all time high. Structures of power and status are going to great lengths to keep their power (i.e. multiple wars). No matter how you scale it, this structure cannot hold. This structure promotes isolation, separation, and a “you versus me” mentality. It promotes an imbalance of power. It establishes the false idea of the “other.” This structure lacks community, harmony, balance, unity and peace. All of it stems from the relationships we have with ourselves, and that is in a huge way determined by the relationship we have with our fathers.


Many people who identify with this reading and/or this energy as a whole are those who are going through an internal shift. Discomfort exists within yourself because who you are does not connect comfortably with the world around you. Some of you are waking up to the fact that the relationships that you’ve had all your life that come from convenience, proximity or association do not work for you anymore. Others of you are realizing that the 9-5 capitalistic work structure drains the life out of you and despite being afraid of the unknown that comes with the change, you are starting to solidify your belief that a passion project may just be what you turn into your next job. You are realizing that you need more feminine energy in your life, and until now the over-masculine energy that you have been living by has kept you away from pursuing your dreams, connecting to people on a deep level, and living authentically. Many of you may feel completely lost, as the disconnect began in childhood and no matter how old you are, you feel like an infant relearning the world all over again. You are having to unravel your conditioned beliefs and build yourself back up as a whole person again, sorting your beliefs from the over-masculine energies that have surrounded you until now.


Many in this collective have strained relationships with their fathers and/or the masculines that raised them. It’s important to note that the father wound may not directly come from one’s own father. For some it’s a direct relationship. For others, the father wound may come through the mother due to her relationship with an unhealed father. No matter which parent deals with this wound, the wound itself stems from a wounded idea of masculinity, which at some point began with a father figure. Some may have fathers who are absent, some are emotionally distant. No matter what the disconnect is here, there is tension and lack of affection. When we get into this wound it’s important that we give a little bit of grace where it’s due. As generations of parents pass lessons and parenting down to their children, the only resources they have to give are the resources they were taught. The only thing that will break the generational pattern of toxic masculinity passed down from one generation to the next is an individual somewhere along the line who has a strong sense of self and a willingness to break the chain. It starts with the choice to continue passing along the toxic pattern, or healing from it to change the course of the lineage. The process of breaking that pattern can be really hard because it strains relationships, sometimes ending them altogether. Ruffling feathers and breaking the status quo, especially on the topic of toxic masculinity is a tall order. Many masculine-to-masculine relationships are hard to break through because of what they are founded on. These relationships are often based on power, obedience, fear, abuse, violence and punishment. Emotional availability comes as a reward for obedient behavior. When a behavior is disobeyed, punishment ensues - be it yelling, spanking, or worse. It’s case by case.

We also see a lot of “do as I say not as I do” behavior in masculine-dominated relationships, which is highly problematic and something that needs to be addressed. This mantra says bluntly “I’m telling you that I’m not going to take accountability for the things I do wrong. I’m also not going to change my ways, but I expect you behave the way I want you to simply because I said so.” This is a power-hungry mentality that sets zero example. Behavior in response to this mantra is based on fear. It’s the same kind of mantra as “respect your elders” even if those elders are toxic and/or problematic. No accountability. These mantras can be felt as toxic by this collective, because this collective who resonates with this download is sensitive. You’ve been sensitive since you were a child, but you were not allowed to voice this sensitivity around the masculine energies that surrounded you, and/or your father. These masculines never knew how to handle your sensitivity. They saw your emotions as a weakness because that’s what they were taught. In response to your sensitivity, you were shut out, abused, met with anger or some kind of outburst, or left behind. Your sensitivity was an imposition and shameful, and therefore as a child you saw yourself as less valuable the more you had needs to be met. You closed your throat chakra and stopped speaking up, you internalized other people’s emotions to ensure that you did not inconvenience them with yours, you closed your sacral chakra and stopped taking up space and expressing yourself, and you took on a life path that made sure other people were taken care of while putting your own needs behind you. This path attracted emotionally unavailable friendships and romantic relationships. It attracted jobs and environments where your value was on productivity and how much you could provide, rather than who you are as a person, and it created low self-esteem due to the fact that your throat and sacral chakras were closed. Expressing yourself was always a “no go,” which took away the idea of authenticity altogether.


Who you want to be does not matter when you spend your whole life obeying the people who tell you who you should be.

This shift in the collective is pushing you out of this people-pleasing energy. If you’re reading this and resonate with this message, you’re either on a healing journey or about to be. You have identified that this father wound exists within you whether it’s from your own father or the father of a person in your life who played a hand in raising you and has a wounded relationship with their father. The time of justifying the over-masculinity in your life has or is coming to an end, and rewiring of the brain is beginning. You have awakened to the fact that this wound has given you a false idea of true love. You’ve only ever known conditional love, based on approval. That’s the thing. In conditionally loving relationships, it’s not the relationship that feels good, it’s the relief of the approval that feels good. It’s time to stop putting up with relationships that require you to hide behind a mask in order to be approved and accepted by the other person. You deserve to live authentically and express yourself with no mask. This is the part of your journey where you get to decide to be the one to break the chain. You’ve identified that this wound exists. It’s now time to heal it for yourself so that it’s no longer passed down or around to the people in your life both now and in the future.


Taking the mask off and keeping it off may very well induce a period of isolation. It’s an ego death after all. Too much masculinity is egoic, and therefore it blocks the heart. It takes active change to rewire the brain’s thought patterns from ego-based to soul-based. It may be time to pull back or release yourself altogether from your wounded relationships. Depending on the amount of influence your father figure and/or masculines have had on your life, this may very well be a total uproot. If you don’t feel like yourself but you also kind of feel a teeny bit of pride in your new choices, that means you’re doing it right. Keep that up! Hermit mode may be necessary as you dig through your triggers and rewire the patterns that have gotten you to this place of ingenuity. Hermit mode is perfectly fine, but don’t get stuck there. It’s one thing to decide you’re going to change and take that space for introspection. It’s another level when you start to apply these changes beyond the four walls of your home. You may start to see 555 when you become ready to reintroduce yourself to the world. Take this moment to reintroduce yourself as the Queen of Wands. This queen has everything the King of Wands has, but she blends it with gorgeous creativity, emotional intelligence, and divine feminine energy. She knows her worth. She knows that value is not based on status, value is based on authenticity.

As you move into this Queen of Wands energy your focus is to come forward as who you TRULY are. Take your time with this but be consistent. Open your throat chakra and your sacral chakra. Wear what you want. Go to the places you want to go. Start new routines. Get into your hobbies. Say “no” more often when you feel icky about something or someone, but also say “yes” more often when something feels like it speaks to your soul. When you see something you like about someone, tell them. Compliments are such an incredible way to open the door to a conversation with a stranger who you may just develop a relationship with. The more you deepen your love for yourself, the more you can start to understand what it’s like to deeply love another. This is where the chain reaction into union comes in.

Union with another is a direct reflection of union with the self. If we only value ourselves for what we can give to others, or by the conditions put on us from wounded individuals who taught us wounded lessons, we attract relationships that continue those wounds - leading to emotional unavailability, relationships with power struggles, and relationships that feel like a dead-end. If you can’t feel safe during a heart to heart conversation with someone, no matter how long you’ve known them, chances are it’s a dead-end relationship. If you are in this collective you value those deep conversations that make you feel valued, heard and safe. Attracting people that make you feel that way means that you first need to prioritize clearing out the people and places that do NOT make you feel that way. The isolation that comes with this makes it crucial to spend time loving yourself. Self-care, dates by yourself, journal sessions, therapy, learning who you are and what you love to do when you are alone are of the utmost importance during this death portion of your transformation. You have to let go and make space for what you are looking for, which is unconditional love.


Once you feel comfortable and ready to begin your rebirth, that’s when you actively begin putting yourself in places with people who are aligned with the TRUE you. Tap into your five senses and base your life around the sensations that make you feel good. Put on an outfit that makes you feel like your true self and go to that coffee shop or bookstore or park you’ve always wanted to visit. Feel what it’s like to be there. Begin to frequent it. Compliment another person in that space. Try asking a question to an employee you see often. Simply make eye contact and wave. Whatever you are comfortable with socially, try initiating the interaction. You get to hand-choose who and what gets to exist in this next phase in your life. As you choose what feels good for your soul, you begin to feel aligned. A chain reaction begins.

The more we all align with the people that truly love us for us, the more we can connect on a soul level to those who are meant to be in our lives. As we connect, we build our soul families, we meet our soulmates and our twin flames, and harmony begins to exist. As we break ourselves down and away from the conditioning that was planted us in order to rebuild based on our own values, we invite true authenticity into our lives. We create community, we create balanced relationships and we create “togetherness.” We begin to develop an “us” mentality, we experience harmony, and eventually, as more and more people wake up to the beautiful domino affect this creates, we lift the collective vibration across the globe to a state of unity and peace.

As above, so below. As within, so without.

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